Welcome To Holland – by Emily Perl Kingsley
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
7 comments:
that is one of my favorite stories and has been since i was younger. funny how that works, huh? it will get better with time...and yet i still find myself tearing up at the tiniest of things - a child reading a book all by him/herself, using their fingers to flip the pages perfectly, etc... and it usually happens at the most inopportune moments. distancing yourself is not immature or ridiculous - it's necessary. thanks for sharing all you share. i hope it helps you, but you can rest assured, if nothing else, it helps others.
Gotta love Janet! She's taught me a few things about life too. 1. How to unhook a bra strap in one pinch. 2. How to make chicken and broc crescent puffer things which to this day is Ethan's favorite meal. 3. That if I truly had a change of heart and decided to have another baby that I most definitely could do it, because, you know, Janet did it, at 58. Hahaha. 4. That picking a cute husband is mandatory. 5. And last, and most important, how to correctly pronounce Twinkies.
Claire - I write this to hopefully make you smile or even laugh a little. I read your posts and ache for your struggle. I know in my times of struggle I felt the same way about wanting it to be that "picture of normal" again. Guess what! Your normal may have changed - as mine did. It sucks. Bad. But I'm pretty sure you have the faith/strength/patience of 10 mothers in your situation. Listen to your mother. And fight like hell to make things right for Q. Love you - Jos
I like this! Sooooo GOOD!
Claire--
Great story, one that I have never heard before and hopefully one that I will remember when it is needed in my own life.
Anyway, it really does pain me to hear your pain...it is hard for me to know that you are having such a difficult time...but, one thing that you must always always always remember, is that even though you feel you may be distancing yourself from your friends, that our family will never distance ourselves from you, as you have always (even before this happened) shown grace, courage, kindness, and an unwavering testimony of Christ. We are all here to learn from each other and to strengthen and gain strength from one another. Lean on us when you need to, for we are here, even though we are far away! We're still praying for you and will continue to do so and hope that when the time comes for our "Gethsemane" that you will be here for us. You are not immature nor ridiculous!!! Love you!!!
I can relate to this feeling you describe. There have been many times during Nathan's illness that I have felt like this wasn't part of the plan. I felt so jealous of other women with young, healthy husbands. I have felt,and sometimes still do feel badly for my children; that they don't have a dad with lots of energy and who hasn't been in and out of hospitals, on nasty meds and needing horrible surgeries. But it is ok. Our whole family has learned from trial. The Lord makes us equal to the task. You're right...you will heal and it may take time. Never allow yourself to compare and never forget to be grateful for what you have. That is how I have gotten through some of our toughest times. We love you!
Dear Claire,
I appreciated this story your Mom passed onto you, very much. Like you, I thought sure Italy was my destination!
I have heard the phrase, "The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle", over and over. Quite honestly, I have not found comfort in this, in fact, it irritated me until a friend rephrased it for me. "The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle if we know He is there to carry us". I have to wonder, who are we becoming through these experiences? I believe when all is said and done we will be grateful for these marvelous lessons. Thinking of you and sending you my love.
Oh Claire. You are such an inspiring and courageous woman. I've been following your blog and Jarom and I have been including your family and especially little Quinn in our nightly prayers. We love you guys and I cannot believe how strong you are, even though you may not feel it at times. You are one of the most faithful and enduring people I know. You will get through this.
I love your Holland story and I think everyone can relate to it, no matter what stage of life they are in. When I read the post below, it made me want to be a mother. Even though I know you love Holland more than you would have ever loved Italy, sometimes it helps to have a wee reminder....even if it's from yourself. :) Love you!
http://adamandclairebrown.blogspot.com/2010/12/for-unto-us-child-is-born.html
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